The hardest decision

I want to start by saying a few things about my last blog. In it I mentioned a hardcore Greek class that I was going to take 5 days a week. Well, call it fate, but it was full. So, I'm forced to have a life. Well, actually, not really. Instead, I hired a private tutor who I'll meet with twice a week. And only for an hour each time. So, while it won't be as intensive and I probably won't get any better at greek, at least I can say I tried.

The other part of my last blog that I wanted to clarify is that just because Barb and I are thinking about what country we will go to next, that doesn't mean that we aren't coming back to DC for a while first. I realize now that the way I phrased it, I made it sound like we are going straight from Cyprus to some other far away land. But the truth is, we will be back in DC for most likely a year or so. So no more hate mail, ok??

OK, now on to what is really on my mind and what has been the only thing on my mind for several days now. First, to start with a timeline…

September: I applied for a job at the Unit for the Rehabilitation of Victims of Torture.

November: I applied for a job at USAID.

Later in November: I got the job at URVT (and went to Athens for training, etc. If you read my blogs, you know all this).

December: USAID called me for an interview.

December and January: I worked at URVT.

Jan 31: USAID offered me the job.

This is one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in a very long time. It is a classic head versus heart argument. There are so many sides to this coin. I've done so many 180s in the past 3 days I'm dizzy. I decide to stay. Then I decide to go. I have lists 10 pages long of pros and cons of each decision. I don't want to totally bore you, so I'll tell you just a few of them. I've always said that the most important things to me is that when I wake up in the morning, I want to get out of bed and go to work. And right now I have that. Over the past 3 months at the Unit for the Rehabilitation of Victims of Torture (URVT), I've worked with some great people and have made one exceptionally good friend. It is pretty much just the two of us in our office so we have plenty of opportunity to drink coffee every morning and talk about everything. You don't find this kind of friend every day, or at every job, so I feel very fortunate. I also really like the work that this place does. I like that people who have been through so much (torture, etc) in their life come to us and leave with results. In terms of the work environment, I like that it is small and there's no bureaucracy. I've had some opportunities that I've never had before (I did my first media interview last week). I also like that while living in Cyprus, I'm working with Cypriots, in a "Cypriot work environment" (those Cypriots and Americans living in Cyprus know what I mean by this).

Now for the pros of working at USAID: One, job security. While URVT guarantees that I have a job for one year, and after that it is dependant on grants, funding, work permits, etc., USAID isn't going anywhere. Having some government experience under my belt will also most likely be a useful thing in my future, especially if my future involves traveling country to country with an embassy employee (which it does). In addition, it is a lot more money, good benefits, and it would be nice to work in the embassy with Barb – we'd get all the same holidays and get to eat lunch together and stuff like that.


There's a famous Buddhist saying that goes "If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it will change. And if you're in a good situation, don't worry it will change." That's what I love about Buddhist teachings. They are constant reminders that nothing is permanent. It doesn't matter if something is good or bad, it will change. Because everything does. I have a tendency (like most human beings) to grasp onto things that are pleasurable instead of just letting them happen. Once I remind myself that nothing in this world is permanent, everything just makes more sense. So that's your (t)zen teaching for today. Now, for my decision…I have decided to take the USAID job. (Poll: who thought that is what I'd do?) Anyway, I'm already missing Anda, even though she's still just next door. I haven't told the rest of the crew yet. I hear that paperwork, security clearances and whatever else these crazy government jobs require before starting all take quite a while so I will probably have at least another month where I am now.

People who know me well know that I hate making decisions. I doubt myself too much. But at the end of the day, I would rather regret something that I did rather than something I didn't do. And I really do trust that any decision can be the right decision if you go at it with the right attitude.

And to leave you with a piece of not-so- zen advice, I've also been told this: "When choosing between two evils, always choose the one you haven't tried yet." Optimistic, I know.