cyprus day one

Well here I am. What the hell am I going to do? I'll find myself. I'll meditate on the so many things that I need to. I'll be a better Buddhist. I'll meditate on letting go. Not grasping. Not holding on, not chasing after. I read a plaque on the boardwalk that said happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it the more it gets away from you but when you just sit down and stop chasing after it, it will come land right on your shoulder. Or something like that. Anyway, that is exactly the lesson I need to learn. Before leaving for Cyprus I was chasing something and running from something else at the same time. But I've been forced to stop. Being pulled in different directions really has an impact on the mind and body. My stomach hurts. There's tremendous pressure on my chest and emptiness in my heart. I can't get a good night's sleep and I'm always either dead tired or so hyperactive I can't even do anything productive. I can't turn off my mind. I'm scared I won't be able to find silence. Stillness. I'm scared that I won't be able to stop the chase. I'm a million miles away physically but how can I bring my mind to where my body is?